To The Girl I Have Hated

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To the girl I have hated for 11 years I am sorry
I called you ugly
Whispered names into your ear that you did not deserve
I must apologize even though you aren’t around anymore
But it is better that you aren’t here
Since you’ve been gone the sun has risen and fell
And I have missed you
I have tried finding you in your favorite books
Have listened to your favorite songs but you left a hole in my heart that has yet to be
repaired
I see you in my smile sometimes
although we shared the same body we are NOT the same
You were beautiful
I wish I could’ve known you longer
I am sorry I killed you although they handed me the gun
Have followed the imprints in your heart but haven’t been able to make the same impact
Your voice was stolen from you
And you cut off all your hair
But inside of me a piece of you is still there
Your kindness has been intertwined with my anger
But your inside was just as small as your outside
And that is not me
You dreamt of being stronger so here I am
I have healed but you never will
You would be afraid of the fire that burns within me
There is no us
Just you and me
Two separate beings
What you went through could never happen to me
I have seen you awkwardly stumble through life
Held a funeral in your honor
Brought your favorite flowers
I have mourned you
Have not been the same since
You were everything good about me
I still think about you
Have burned letters hoping you would receive them
Now as I stand over your soul
That I ripped out of our chest just to survive
Only these words have come into my mind
Your trauma never defined who you were
You were not those names they called you
You were so much more
You might have thought no one loved you but I did
Goodbye old friend
You would be so proud of who you have become