Bees

Daisy Marrero

4 Minutes

My feet were beginning to ache, as I waited on my third line of the day. This one wasn’t as long as the first one, but it was longer than the second and I was beginning to wonder just how much waiting a gal could stand. I fumbled my camera to my hand and panned across the crowd in front of me.


*Well bees, as you can see. I’m in line in front of HNYBs SOHO location! Just look at everyone decked out in their HNYB apparel! I spy limited edition sneakers, and gasp! Do my eyes deceive me? *


I zoomed in on parts of the throng pointing out different pieces of clothing, both limited and knockoff. It passed the time, and the content would make good filler for my viewers. Suddenly the line broke into a mob, and with my camera in the sky I could only just make out the open doors. We surged forward, no longer concerned with any fair consumer order. I stowed my camera and contorted into a better shape for weaving through the throng of people vying for my jar of HNYB Hair Honey.

My hand found the last jar on the display, and as I pulled it back through the clump of other hopefuls. My arm came away with angry red lines, but it was totally worth it for the precious goop I held.

The plexiglass at the register couldn’t decide whether to reflect back my shining victorious eyes, or the salesclerks dull overworked ones.

His voice was as hollow as his gaze as he spoke the pre-canned script in one deep breath. “Thank you for choosing HNYB, where every purchase donates 3.2758% of production cost to helping save the bees.” He deftly paused as I squealed before taking another deep breath to continue his spiel. “Today’s total comes out to 91 dollars and 87 cents which means a grand total of 67 cents will be sent to urban beekeeping communities.” I squealed again and gushed about how glad I was, to be helping such a noble and stylish cause before the swarm of other patrons forced me away. The sweet clerk even flinched as I went. Probably, he hated to see me nearly trampled.


*Hello again there, fellow Bees! As you can see, I’ve made it back to my hive, and I’m super excited to try out the brand new HNYB Hair Honey! Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know this as the only hair gel proven to attract bees! Now I only wish I could say this is a sponsored video, so if you know anyone who can make a gals dreams come true, I’ll bee here! *


I giggled a little to draw attention to my pun, having recently read a BuzzFeed listicle about the most effective forms of vlog humor.


*So, as you can see, the packaging is simply super cute! Just look at these little antennae on top for easy opening, they really thought of everything at HNYB! Now opening it up, it smells sweet and floral, which is everything I expected and more, though I do wish it also came in a more- versatile mousse; but say la vee! *


The sun was thin and insubstantial, as I stepped out onto my terrace high above the city. The cement was cold beneath my feet, and I wished I was wearing my Bee socks. My heart thudded and I hoped it wasn’t making me shake the camera too much.


*Guys I must admit, I’ve never actually seen a bee in person, but oh hello friend! *


I held out a hand to touch it, and for a moment everything was perfect. This was the kind of quality content that would put me firmly on the road to monetization.


*Buzz Buzz to you too! Wow you have a little friend! Fellow HNYBs I can happily report that this gel has successfully attracted two! … no! … three! … Wow! Actually quite a few bees! *


I raised my voice to be heard over the ever-loudening and thoroughly me-surrounding buzz.


*Well guys these little ones-*


I fought to keep a note of hysteria out of my voice.


*They really like the hair honey as you can see *


I felt a couple land on my face.


*Maybe less is more here! *


I dropped the camera and began trying to brush them away as my panic increased by the second. I couldn’t open my eyes, I couldn’t breathe, buzzing filled my ears. They were crawling into my nose and trying to make their way into my tightly closed mouth.

I was fairly flailing as I felt the first bright sting on my arm, and moments later, as my throat started to swell, it comforted me to know that at least this would go viral.